Another Parenting Challenge - Explaining Disability

Once again, I have faced another parenting challenge that I found myself completely unprepared for.  It was only in December that I had to broach the subject of death with my four year-old, when my husband’s uncle passed away.  I had some time to prepare for it, and I had the luxury of choosing when to have the conversation with her.

This time was different.  We were out having dinner when she had to go to the bathroom.  Before we entered a stall, a lady entered the restroom.  Immediately, I panicked.  I was worried how the kid would react and what she would say, and what I would say in return.  You see, the woman who entered was disfigured from what looked like very serious burn injuries.  Her entire face was scarred to the point where most of her nose was gone, and she was missing almost all of her fingers.  So many things were running through my brain. I remembered it was not polite to stare, so I immediately averted my eyes.  At the same time I was praying that the kid didn’t notice.  But she did.  So I waited to see what she would say, as I ushered her into the stall. I could tell she was a little confused and a little scared.  “Mommy, that’s scary,” she said as I hoisted her onto the seat.  Oh dear, I hadn’t had the time to read about this part in the parenting handbook.  As quickly as  I could, in my most nonchalant voice I said, “Oh honey, she’s not scary.  She just has an owie on her face.” Pause.  She seems to take it in.  “Does it talk?” “Well, why don’t you talk to her and see?” At this point we were both at the sink washing our hands as the lady walks out.  “Do you talk? You have an owie on your face.” Oh dear lord, this could go very badly. “I was in a really bad fire accident.”  Thank you lady, for helping us stumble over this parenting hurdle. “Sometimes, when there is a fire, people can get very hurt,” I said.

The kid returned to the table and proceeded to tell grandma about the lady with an owie on her face, complete with fingerpointing.  Then we had to have the ‘it’s not polite to point at people” conversation.  Eventually, the topic lost steam and she moved on to waving at her friend at the next table over.  

I know I will have more conversations about differences and people looking different due to injuries or disabilities.  This just reminded me that I need to do my homework, because like every parent,  I play a very big role on how my kid will see the world.