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Health & Fitness

That's Life©1966 #477 (8-30-13)

Interesting Saturday, HAMC, “Wine Bra “And All

          This last Saturday was an interesting one for me…again. I took almost a whole day to visit first with the Hells Angels Motorcycle Club’s annual “end of summer blowout”. Again I was the only reporter/photographer invited to attend this shindig…for the third year in a row. The only reason I get an invite is I simply tell it like it is and these bikers are mostly just like the rest of us. They have families, job, etc…they just belong to a little different club with a very well defined set of rules and guidelines. Law enforcement doesn’t like them for some reason.

Granted you may not want to have your Brownie troop look to them as role models but they don’t ask you to. I’ve been to their club house in Vallejo and they tolerate me and my presence since I’ve always given them an even break. If it came between the bikers and the yuppies on who would to help a senior citizen they saw getting mugged, my money would be on the bikers…most of them at least. Many yuppies, “not wanting to get involved,” would be sitting on the sidelines betting if the dirt ball would get away with it or not before the police finally arrived.

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Sooo…I spent the early afternoon with about 600 biker and bikettes (or whatever you call girl biker types) and then went down to the DDBA’s “Wine Stroll” in downtown Dixon. The most interesting thing I found in this year’s stroll is something I named the “wine bra”. I don’t know what they’re really called. Kay and Russ Caylor had the real thing and several ladies had handmade knitted ones…Pretty cool tool if you are the winey type.

You can eat, talk and carry on and just let it hang. It’s not unlike a binocular holder…another one of those money making “I wish I thought of it” things that keeps coming down the pike.

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Some More Things To Think About…

Go ahead; admit it......someone's alive today only because you don't want to go to jail.


Liquor makes me happy.....you, not so much.


If god is watching us the least we can do is be entertaining.

99% of women say they don't like men who wear leather pants...which works out just fine since 100% of men who wear leather pants don't like women.


Today I’ll be cleaning...and by cleaning I mean drinking beer and spraying the crap out of everything with Fabreze.


Why the hell do people say "what were you thinking?"......obviously I was thinking I could pull it off and not have to explain it.


You know that whole "walking-away-slowly-when-things-are exploding" thing that heroes do in movies...I tried that today.  Really wish I hadn't.  Really, really wish I hadn't.  


Health experts recommend a 1500 calorie a day diet.....for those of you not good at math that's a 12-pack of 125 calorie beers.  You’re welcome.


I failed my driver's test...the examiner asked me "what do you do at a red light?"  I said I usually check my e-mails and send text messages.


69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.


I saved a girl from being attacked last night...really amazing self-control.


Who needs April fool's day...my whole life is a joke!


Collecting life insurance proceeds is a lot easier than collecting child support...is this why female spiders kill their mates?


A jealous and suspicious woman does far better research than the FBI.


How do you know when you've met the perfect woman...she'll usually tell you.


Childhood is like being drunk...everyone remembers what you did except you.


After years of struggling with my addiction to alcohol-based hand sanitizers I’m finally clean!


If smoking is so bad for you how is it-it can cure dead salmon?


Have you ever noticed how much Google is just like a woman...it starts suggesting things before you can even finish your sentence?


I can't stop drinking about you!


If I had a dollar for every time I felt more emotion for a fictional character in a book than the people in my real life I could pay for the psychiatric help I so obviously need.


I would slap you but I don't want to get fool on my hand.


Erotic photos are what drive the American economy...so please do your part.


What's this $350-$450 per month for child support...I saw something on TV that said you could feed a child for fifty-cents a day?


If there were "box tops for education" coupons on bags of weed my kid's school would be rich by now.


Do strippers have nightmares about going to work fully clothed?


I've tried to drown my sorrows...but it seems the little bastards know how to swim.


How is it possible to have a civil war?


Adamant...the very first insect.


I knew I was at the age when I should start growing up when my friends started having kids on purpose.


I'm starting to get on my own nerves...that's never a good sign.


Yesterday I found out that my thing is exactly the same length as a pint beer glass.....I also found out how to get thrown out of my favorite bar.


What's more awkward...the first kiss or the first fart?


Lots of people say I’m indifferent...crap, like I care!

 

How many mimes have died because no one realized they were choking?


I've had entire relationships that didn't progress as far as the TSA airport checkpoints.

 

I told the wife I’d heard down at the bar that our mailman had slept with every woman on our block except one...she said "I bet it's that stuck up witch Phyllis down at the corner."

 

Every person should make the effort to try every experience once...with the exception of incest and square-dancing.

 

For those of your who doubted it…

Here’s the official proof!

(SEE PHOTO)

 

 

Puns for Educated Minds

 

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
3. She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall. The police are looking into it.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine .
21. A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says,
'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'
23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says, 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root-canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

 

I Can No Longer Shop At Cabela's In Reno

 

          Gun Control. It has already started at Cabela's Sporting Goods Store over in Reno. There was a bit of confusion at the Cabela's store this past week. Like everyone else in this area no trip to Reno would be complete without a stop by Cabela’s and lunch at their wild game restaurant. After we ate we bought our usual stuff.
          When I was ready to pay for my purchases of hunting supplies and bullets... The cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control whackos running amok, I did just as she had instructed. When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out that she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the card-reader. I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future. They need to make their instructions to us seniors a little clearer! And I still don't think I looked that bad.

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