Bullies: How Safe Will Your Kids Feel In School?

For parents, awareness is key, explains counselor Gloria Flores, because for many kids, the signs of being bullied are subtle and hard to detect. Flores remembers dealing with a high school bully who was facing expulsion from unless she went through therapy at DFS.

"This girl was very smart. She could have graduated from The Academy of Bullying if there was one," Flores said. "She used her smarts to avoid getting caught for, it turned out, a long time. She wouldn't usually do anything physical; she found bullying on a psychological level more interesting, I guess."

This particular bully would call classmates at home and tell them what to wear to school, or else.

No matter how crazy or ugly they'd look, her victims always complied, said Flores. When one female student finally refused the unwanted fashion tips, the bully then resorted to force and was caught.

It turns out she began to bullying as an outlet, because she was being victimized due to domestic violence that was occurring at home. Flores explained that kids can become bullies as a way of compensating if they feel powerless at home.

"For kids like that, any kind of attention they can get is good attention," said Flores. "Then, too, though, some kids are just mean."

"Here in Dixon, we don't really have a problem with kids getting beaten up in school due to gang influence or anything like that," said Cookie Powell, DFS Director.

But over the past few decades Powell and Flores, both with many years experience as Licensed Clinical Social Workers (LCSW), have noted a "coarsening" of the culture.

"Violent video games, violence in movies, reality shows on television where participants 'get ahead' by being manipulative and narcissistic, all have influence," said Powell.

Not a direct, instigating influence, but an under-the-radar implication that there's something that has to be OK about bad behavior, if it is being portrayed for public consumption.

Which can lead an erosion of the sense that certain behavior isn't the right thing to do.

"The rule of thumb really comes back to the basics," Flores said. "Doing unto others like how you'd like to be treated."

Sometimes it can be hard for parents to know the effects of their own behavior in disciplining their kids too.

"A kid could be acting out, and it's natural for a parent to want the behavior to stop," said Flores. During a block party DFS held in Women's Improvement Park last spring, Flores said she overheard a mom going too far.

"The mom told her little girl, 'If you don't stop jumping all over the place, the police will come and get you,'" explained Flores. "Which was not a good idea, to instill fear of the police. Even if the mom didn't mean it, her little girl might not have known that. Kids do tend to take things literally."

Bullying affects each of the schools within Dixon Unified School District in some shape or form, DUSD Interim Superintendent Brian Dolan said. With the advancements in technology – everything from smart phones to Facebook – the schools deal with a healthy amount of cyber bullying in addition to the physical kind, Dolan said.

“It varies from grade level to grade level,” Dolan said. “Sometimes it can be a small group of kids who really engage in this kind of behavior and have a big impact on the entire school level. Or sometimes it can be one kid.  It’s against the law, that’s the bottom line. We certainly try to intervene.”

But it can be difficult for the school to intervene when incidents happen outside of school, Dolan explained.

“The law is having a hard time drawing a line for us, and so that’s kind of an evolving area in the legal (field),” Dolan said.

When an instance of bullying happens outside of school – if it’s at a party, or if someone logs onto Facebook over the weekend and posts mean things about a student – the school essentially can’t intervene, Dolan said.

“Our hands are tied,” Dolan said. “Somebody goes to a party and something happens there and then, whether it's inappropriate pictures, and then somebody’s blasting that over Facebook, texting it or sexting it … so here’s someone’s child (who’s) been smeared all over town.

“So sometimes in those kind of situations, you’ll have a child or parent come into the office and say ‘This happens and my child is ashamed to come to school and absolutely what that kid is feeling, are absolutely real feelings there and there’s not really anything we can do anything about it because it didn’t happen within the school day. And that’s the line where we are struggling. How far do you go?”

Dolan advises parents when something outside of school happens to contact and fill out a police report. Dolan said schools throughout the district approach the problem of bullying proactively, by working alongside , and doing other things.

“All three of our elementary sites and have implemented school-wide positive behavior programs, where you try to teach the ids positive behaviors at school,” Dolan said. “There area also some specific bullying curriculums out there they we are looking at.”

Dolan also pointed out that three years ago, received a grant to that allowed for a therapist to work with students who had social issues, including students with a history of bullying.

Board of Education has policies against bullying and a Code of Conduct for its students.

According to the code:

"Students and parents/guardians shall be notified of district and school rules related to conduct and shall receive regular instruction regarding these rules. In addition, parents/guardians and students may be provided information about early warning signs of harassing/intimidating behaviors, such as bullying, as well as prevention and intervention strategies."

The code prevents students from harassing students and staff, including bullying, intimidation, hazing, or initiation activity or any other verbal, written or physical conduct that causes or threatens to cause bodily harm or emotional suffering.

To see the code for yourself follow this link. Log in (user name: dixon password: policy) and review the code and policies by searching under bullying.

If you'd like to learn more about bullying, or suspect your child is a victim, Dixon Family Services counselors would be happy to provide more information.

Call or stop by:

707-678-0442

155 N. Second St.

Check out these tips from stopbullying.gov

What is bullying?

Bullying is a widespread and serious problem that can happen anywhere.  It is not a phase children have to go through, it is not "just messing around", and it is not something to grow out of.  Bullying can cause serious and lasting harm.

Although definitions of bullying vary, most agree that bullying involves:

• Imbalance of Power: people who bully use their power to control or harm and the people being bullied may have a hard time defending themselves
• Intent to Cause Harm: actions done by accident are not bullying; the person bullying has a goal to cause harm
• Repetition: incidents of bullying happen to the same the person over and over by the same person or group

Types of Bullying

Bullying can take many forms. Examples include:

• Verbal: name-calling, teasing
• Social:spreading rumors, leaving people out on purpose, breaking up friendships 
• Physical: hitting, punching, shoving
• Cyberbullying: using the Internet, mobile phones or other digital technologies to harm others

An act of bullying may fit into more than one of these groups.

Recognize the warning signs

Being Bullied

• Comes home with damaged or missing clothing or other belongings
• Reports losing items such as books, electronics, clothing, or jewelry
• Has unexplained injuries
• Complains frequently of headaches, stomachaches, or feeling sick
• Has trouble sleeping or has frequent bad dreams
• Has changes in eating habits
• Hurts themselves
• Are very hungry after school from not eating their lunch
• Runs away from home
• Loses interest in visiting or talking with friends
• Is afraid of going to school or other activities with peers
• Loses interest in school work or begins to do poorly in school
• Appears sad, moody, angry, anxious or depressed when they come home
• Talks about suicide
• Feels helpless
• Often feels like they are not good enough
• Blames themselves for their problems
• Suddenly has fewer friends
• Avoids certain places

• Acts differently than usual

Bullying Others

• Becomes violent with others
• Gets into physical or verbal  fights with others
• Gets sent to the principal’s office or detention a lot
• Has extra money or new belongings that cannot be explained
• Is quick to blame others
• Will not accept responsibility for their actions
• Has friends who bully others
• Needs to win or be best at everything

What to Do When Bullying Continues or Gets Worse

If the bullying gets worse and you need additional help, consider the following if: 

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